Neon Lords of the Toxic Wasteland: This Game Is Totally Tubular, Dude

Neon Lords of the Toxic Wasteland: This Game Is Totally Tubular, Dude

Let’s get real for a sec—if your RPG roots trace back to Saturday morning cartoons, shredding VHS tapes, or raiding arcades for quarters, then Neon Lords of the Toxic Wasteland might

just be your ultimate blast from the radioactive past.

This game doesn’t just flirt with 80s and 90s excess—it does a full-on power slide into it with laser skates on, neon sparks flying. Imagine if a Lisa Frank trapper keeper, a GWAR concert, and a forgotten stack of post-apocalyptic action figures got left in a microwave. That’s Neon Lords. And yeah—it totally rules. You can check out the games website here.

📺 Born to Binge

Back before you could pause TV, skip commercials, or stream a full series in your PJs, we had to earn our screen time. Saturday mornings were sacred, and style? Well, it was loud, proud, and full of zippers and chrome.

So when I saw the glorious, retina-searing cover art for Neon Lords at the Philly Area Gaming Expo, I was instantly hit with nostalgia like a power glove to the face. Bright green, radioactive yellow, and purple so intense it practically levitated off the table. The art alone screamed, “HEY NERD—YOU KNOW YOU WANNA PLAY ME.”

And when the creator dropped the fact that hairstyles give you actual powers, I knew I was in for a gnarly ride. I mean, powers based on hair? This game gets it.

🕹️ The Rules: Simple, Slick, and Savage

Neon Lords is a d20-based system, so if you’ve ever rolled a nat 20 and shouted “CRIT!” at the table, you’ll feel right at home. But don’t think this is your grandma’s fantasy game—this is D&D’s rowdy, punk rock cousin who got kicked out of class for drawing skulls in math.

🤘 To the Max vs. Total Bummer

• Nat 20? That’s a “To the Max!” Critical success, baby.

• Nat 1? That’s a “Total Bummer!” Hope you brought backup.

🎯 Exploding Dice, Neon-Style

Called Neon Blasts, when you roll max on a die, you roll again and add it up. So yeah, roll high, then roll harder.

🎰 Percentile Dice with Attitude

You want to roll under your target number, but if you roll a matching pair (like 33, 66, etc.) and it’s still under? That’s a radical crit, bro. Double trouble, double awesome.

🧬 Building Your Mutant Metalhead

Character creation is so righteous you’ll want to crank The Final Countdown while doing it. There are 8 bodacious steps to bringing your wasteland warlock or thrash-metal messiah to life:

🎸 Step 1: Roll 3d6 for Your Totally Bodacious Stats

• Burliness – How swole you are.

• Prowess – Think agility with flair.

• Endurance – Your don’t-die-ness.

• Brains – Street smarts or nerd stuff.

• Attitude – Radical cool factor.

• Sleaze – Greasy charisma for scams.

• Fortitude – Resistance to all the gnarly stuff.

🛠️ Step 2: Choose from 12 Metal-As-Heck Classes

Get a load of these radical roles:

• Brutacorn (yes, a brutal unicorn)

• Cosmic Barbarian

• Cyberskin

• Deathbringer

• Dwarfling

• H.E.A.T.H.E.R. (probably stands for something insane)

• Holy Smiter

• Night Stalker

• Noise Thrasher

• Skull Jammer

• Star Spawn

• War Wizard

Each one sounds like a metal band, action figure, and comic book rolled into one.

💇‍♂️ Step 3: Roll 3d6 for Class Powers

Yep. Every class has unique power levels, so rev those dice.

🤘 Step 4: Pick a Hair Style (For Real)

Mohawk? Mullet? Razor Fade with glowing spikes? Each hairstyle gives you literal in-game powers. It’s like magical realism, but with Aqua Net.

⚔️ Steps 5–8: Stat Modifiers, Hit Points, Gear & Gold, and—oh yeah—Try Not to Die

This game is deadly. Like, PG-13+ “your spleen just exploded” deadly. So kiss your character sheet goodnight and keep those dice warm.

🧨 Rule of Cool or Bust

The rulebook straight-up tells you: if it’s cool, let it happen.
Break the rules? Bend them? Slam a monster through a hover-biker gang while dual-wielding acid launchers? Cool. Do it. This game runs on style, guts, and how loud you can shout “YEAH!” when something awesome happens.

⚠️ Proceed with Radical Caution

Fair warning: this game is not for the faint of heart or squeaky-clean paladins. It’s a trashpunk love letter to the weird, full of brutal humor, mutant chaos, and gleeful ultra-violence. It’s edgy, it’s grimy, it’s like watching a Saturday morning cartoon after five cans of Surge and no parental supervision.

✏️ Final Thoughts: This Game Shreds

Whether you’re a hardcore nostalgia junkie, a collector of weird RPGs, or just someone who thinks hairstyles should come with stat boosts, Neon Lords of the Toxic Wasteland is an absolute beast of a game. It’s hilarious, it’s harsh, and it’s got a big heart made of chrome and cassette tape guts.

So grab your dice, spike your shoulder pads, and get ready to melt face in the most bodacious apocalypse ever imagined.

If you are intrigued, as I was, you can get the digital copy here.

But I am not through yet, As I mentioned I was inspired immediately about hair powers, and if you are a long time fan of Nerdarchy, then you know of our April Tradition of Beardomancy. So I decided to make My own stab at Hair based powers for D&D so you can style your own game with Beardomantic power.

Here’s a list of minor magical powers tied to specific hairstyles (and beard-styles), ideal for cantrippy effects, flavorful roleplay, or even as a source of Beardomancer subclass abilities in D&D:

Minor Powers by Hairstyle (and Beard-style)

1. Pompadour

*Power: * Pompa-force
Once per short rest, you can cast Gust with a stylish hair flip, blowing back light objects or dramatically tossing capes.

2. Mutton Chops

*Power: * Cheeky Grasp
Your sideburns can briefly extend like fuzzy fingers to grab or catch a Tiny object within 10 feet. They retract immediately after.

3. Mohawk

*Power: * Shock-Hawk
Your hair builds up static. Once per long rest, you can deal 1 lightning damage with a melee attack as sparks arc off your mohawk.

4. Handlebar Mustache

*Power: * Twirl of Truth
When interrogating or deceiving, twirling your mustache gives you advantage on one Insight or Deception check per day.

5. Braided Beard

*Power: * Tangle Sense
You always know when someone is within 10 feet of you by the subtle rustle of your beard braids—like magical whiskers.

6. Beehive Hairdo

*Power: * Storage Hive
You can store up to 1 small item (like a potion, note, or ring) in your hair without revealing it. Advantage on Sleight of Hand to retrieve it stylishly.

7. Bald Head (with long beard)

*Power: * Cranial Reflection
Once per day, your shiny head can reflect light like a mirror. It can momentarily blind a creature (DC 12 Con save or be blinded for 1 round).

8. Dreadlocks

*Power: * Rooted Resolve
You gain advantage on one saving throw vs being moved, shoved, or knocked prone per long rest, as your connection to the earth strengthens.

9. Spiky Hair

*Power: * Hairicane Aura
When you dash, the wind around you whips up dramatically. Loose papers fly, candles flicker, and creatures within 5 feet must succeed a DC 10 Dex save or be “ruffled.”

10. Messy Bun

*Power: * Spell Knot
Once per short rest, you may delay the effect of a cantrip you cast by 1 round—unleashing it at the start of your next turn as your bun comes undone.

11. Side Part

*Power: * Immaculate Presence
Your careful grooming grants you +1 to Charisma checks when trying to impress noble or well-groomed NPCs.

12. Goatee

*Power: * Mirror Self
You gain advantage on one check per long rest involving impersonation or disguise—after all, every evil twin has a goatee.

13. Viking Braids

*Power: * Battle Braids
Once per long rest, when rolling initiative, you may let out a fierce war cry and gain temporary HP equal to your level.

14. Pageboy Cut

*Power: * Timeless Vibe
You’re immune to magical aging and always look exactly as youthful (or timeless) as you want.

15. Top Knot

*Power: * Focus Flow
You can re-roll a failed concentration check once per day, as your mystical energy funnels through your perfectly balanced top knot.

Now you want to give out these powers for free, that is your call, want to have the party visit a magical barber/stylist have at it. Either way have fun.

Thanks for reading. Until Next Time, Stay Nerdy!!